Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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