you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
