Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
