This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
