Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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