She announced her abortion via fbk
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
