dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
