I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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