Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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