absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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