people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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