That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
did i just pee glitter
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
