i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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