youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
