You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
