so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
