She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
