come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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