The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
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He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
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i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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