i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
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