I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
