Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
