We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
