So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
