she was so not down for the gang bang
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
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Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
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She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize