my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
