Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize