I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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