Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
