i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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