I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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