I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
