I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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