i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
sarcasm needs its own font
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
