The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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