Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
should my penis look like a turkey
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
