If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
