I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
