his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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