Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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