I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
