Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
