My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
