Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
