how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
