so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
