He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
