Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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