maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
