There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
