I got chris browned last night
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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