oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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