I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
