Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
