I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
