Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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