I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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