am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
