just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
