At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
