We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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