there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
