So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
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Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
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You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.