Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
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I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
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It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.