you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
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I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
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I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancĂ© called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying