Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
