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I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
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