you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
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It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
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damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.