just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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