I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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