it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
