Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
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