I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
