eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
