The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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