oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
