you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
