Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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